Sunday, December 27, 2009

叛逆期

我对于“12岁至16岁的叛逆期”的了解是顶嘴,唱反调。。。那是因为他们的自我意识变得强了,对父母的要求感到压力而开始心里有点不平衡而已。

但昨天我终于见识到了。。。这叛逆所带来的爆发力让我为小妹感到心痛不已。十二岁的外甥在新加坡受教育。真的如外人所说的“有教育,没教养”吗?也许他的情绪管理无法像成人的那么好但起码要懂得控制这冲动激烈的行为。

一架电脑让他丧失理智,就质问母亲和弟弟们,看着他的无理取闹我开始感到惊讶,指着不精通电脑的妈妈要她修好,小妹说就等姐夫来看看。。 他开始发狂了,踢门, 砸桌子,敲打电脑。。然后就找正在喝水的弟弟,勒着他的脖子开始使用暴力。小妹上前阻止连手也受伤了。我看傻了眼。

他把衣服收在书包里,打算要离家,可是没带走却带了手机外出了,我想让他出外沉淀情绪也好但在半个小时后,他还是那样的怒气冲冲。唉!

在房里,我问小妹:“他每次都是这样的吗?”小妹开始流泪。。。诉说着孩子们的教养问题,唯有将孩子的时间按自己的意愿排的满满的。才可以避免他们争吵。但丈夫和她的教养理念不同让她苦不堪言。一昧的满足孩子的需要,让孩子无忧的物质,因为读书而读书的教育。 这只会让孩子们变得自私自利,唯利是图。

记得小姑曾告诉我,她小时候有个邻居,为了让儿子受良好的教育,从小就把孩子送去新加坡,后来父亲过世,儿子赶来与母亲争夺房子,母亲后来被活活的气死。而邻居的女儿是小姑的同学说:“哥哥, 变得没有人性了。”

小妹虽然有点失望但也学会了,唯有找到让自己快乐的方式才对得起自己的人生啊!小妹从小没吃过苦现在却要经历孩子给与她的各种考验。这就是成长的代价。我无法帮的上忙但我会在精神上支持她。

Lucas 明年十岁了。。离叛逆期不远了。我也该要备战,《知己知彼,百战百胜》。



3 comments:

Crystal said...

dh brought 3 kids to "da pou", Trumen came back with tears, he actually beated bro n sis in the restorant, dh told him that he'd "rotan" him 2 strokes..he got punishment at home. I didn't stop dh. I then told him don't acted like gangster, if he wanted to sit with sis,jus ask daddy pull a chair, as simple as it is..he promised. He is jus 5, how can he so violent? He not dare to do so if I bring him out, but when I'm not around, he did bully bro at home sometimes, what's going wrong?

I....my.....mine.....me said...

The whole school holiday, I am dealing with siblings fighting. Everyday,I must scold them, sometimes even beat them. Each night before sleeping, I will ask them, tell them and explain to them. The next day, the same thing happen again. I even took down the photos of their scar after fighting. I know I shouldn't lose control and that's not the correct way, if they didn't see the can or I didn't scold louldly, their couldn't stop. I felt pressure after each battle. Am I using the wrong mehtod to teach since small??I didn't give them the correct attitude??

Shirley said...

As I told my sis in USA, she said we must stop the violent since they are young as our childhood was so much differ with them. they will become more selfish in future.
set home rules is a must.